Today is one of those days-the kind spent curled up in a chair, book in hand, computer on the table beside the chair, when I want to read but find myself mostly just lost in my own thoughts, unable to concentrate on someone else’s story, no matter how good it might be. And instead I’m drawn to thinking about my own who, what, where, when, and mostly just why.
I wish it was easier to fix things. I wish I could show up in Tennessee tomorrow and ease the burden my parents are carrying right now, once again being 24 hour a day live in caretakers to someone else in need, while simultaneously taking care of others they are not living with. I would love to simply go take care of them for a change. I am amazed at the strength they continue to show, knowing it is the grace of God sustaining them.
I wish that we lived in a world where it was not so easy to hurt feelings, to be offended by someone’s unintentional actions, words, or lack of them. We are so prone to misunderstandings and the need for clarification and it is rarely a simple task to find it. I wish we could be more honest with each other, I suppose. More upfront with our own feelings, maybe even our own insecurities, the things that are making us feel somewhat off, a tad scared, a little bit…alone. I think what I really wish is that we knew how to be kinder and more understanding, how to love each other better.
Since it’s Christmas time, I guess those would be my Christmas wishes. They are a bit heavier, slightly weightier, than the tangible things I may have hinted around at wanting. But they are far more important to me right now, and are where I find my head and my heart dwelling today as I sit and stare at my little Christmas tree.